To spank, or not to spank. Should spanking be an acceptable component of discipline for children? When I'm faced with a question or problem, my first step is always to try to reduce it to its simplest terms.
So, simply put, what we're debating is this - is it okay to do things that cause physical and emotional pain to a human being to coerce them to behave the way we want? If the answer is yes, I need to line up some associates, former employers, service industry employees, and government officials and start handing out ass whippings.
Even if I disregard the scientific and social research that have proven corporal punishment to be damaging and ineffective, my own personal experiences tell me that there must be a better way. I can't say I never spanked my children. I can say that, as soon as I figured out that it wasn't serving the intended purpose and was only creating animosity between me and those I loved most dearly, I stopped doing it and started looking for more effective methods. I realized that my children were people. They spoke and understood the same language I did, and when they misbehaved or made mistakes, being able to clearly articulate what was wrong with their behavior, how it affected those around them, and what was expected of them was crucial. My son, who is now grown, has told me that when they were growing up, they would often wish that I would just 'shut up and go ahead and give us a whipping'!
Sometimes, children display psychotic behavior from an early age. That is, their behavior suggests that they understand what is expected of them and what is considered acceptable behavior, but they don't care or seem determined to not comply. I believe that in those cases, professional intervention is necessary. To be clear, I understand that most children will now and then demonstrate willful disobedience. This is natural; children need boundaries to feel safe and cared for, and from time to time they need to test those boundaries to assure themselves that they are firmly in place. As parents, we need to establish and maintain those boundaries and the consequences for breaking (or attempting to break) them. But human history proves that, once in a while, a person comes along who simply will not or cannot exist within the bounds of human society, regardless of how we attempt to treat or influence them. I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I believe these are the result of physical or neurological defects that need to be explored.
In many states, there are laws currently in place that give more protection from physical harm to animals and convicted criminals than to our babies! In school, when children mistreat and bully others, we need to take a good hard look at their home environment. Parents who can't effectively communicate and demonstrate appropriate behavior to their children, who teach hate and brutish behavior, raise bullies. Parents who do not treat themselves, each other, and their children with respect and kindness, raise people who are disrespectful and unkind.
It really is that simple. I often hear people say 'control your children'. But we have to accept that any sense of 'control' we may establish by physical intimidation will always only extend as far as our arm's reach, and will always do more harm than good. And as far as I'm concerned, you can throw out that old 'spare the rod and spoil the child' argument, because the bible also says to treat your slaves with kindness and keep your women quiet during public assemblies.
