1) People who speak kindly and respectfully to everyone except their own children. This is not just a minor annoyance, this is a real problem in our society that needs to be addressed. Think about how many television sitcoms revolve around the 'humor' of family members trading hurtful, cutting remarks. I do not wonder that so many people can be so full of hate and vitriol, when we are constantly exposed to it.
2) People who engage in speaking and writing, but won't be bothered to learn proper spelling, grammar, punctuation or pronunciation. If you feel that what you're saying is worth sharing, put some effort into it. Language is a vital tool, and like any other tool, must be mastered and used properly in order to be effective. You would want me to tell you if you were holding the wrong end of the knife, wouldn't you?
3) People who behave in a manner that perpetuates any negative stereotypes regarding their particular gender, race, age or other demographic group. Women, I implore you, please do not attempt to drive while applying makeup or fixing your hair. Men, please do not assume your membership in the 'guy club' will be revoked if you wash a dish or shed a tear. More importantly, young black men, understand that, while it may be easy for you to develop a 'thug / gangster' reputation where you live, you will have access to so much more power and authority if you refuse to be cast in that old, worn-out mold. Break out of that rut and challenge yourself to see that, individually and collectively, you have the power to affect real change and progress in your community and in the world.
4) People who are physically less healthy than I am, but insist on giving me health advice because I'm fat. I know I'm fat (not reality-show fat, but still...), and if/when I want to do something about it, I will. Do you know that your diet soda is toxic, that your low-fat microwave meals are killing you, and that your medical expenses probably add up to more than my yearly salary?
I could go on, but I have things to do today. Here's hoping we all have a productive, annoyance-free day!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Directions
"Excuse me, sir? Sorry to bother you, but I wonder if you could give me some directions? I seem to have lost my way. I'm looking for Truth."
"Truth? Oh, sure, son, sure. I know where Truth is. Why, as a matter of fact, I was born and raised there. Of course, as young foolish men will often do, I lit out as soon as I was old enough. In search of the mythical 'Greener Pastures' you know. I've certainly traveled and seen some sights....oh, the stories I could tell!
But all that wandering caught up with me, and I had to settle down eventually. Could have gone back home, sure. But at the time I just didn't have the means to make the trip, and was too mule-headed to ask for help, so I settled down right in the heart of Mainstream Media. Biggest regret of my life. Oh, don't get me wrong, I've had some good times here, there's always plenty of entertainment. But the cost of living! Funny, it didn't seem that high back then.
Now, listen to me carrying on, and you standing here needing an answer to your question. Just goes to show, I've lived here too long.
Okay, son, here's what you do: you see that road over there? The one with all the traffic? That's the Information Highway. Unfortunately, you've got to take that road. Take care, because those fools drive like they own the road. There's a lot of wrecks, what with idiots changing lanes and doing u-turns without signalling. There used to be a lot of different roads to get to Truth, but once the Info Highway was built, everyone used it exclusively, and all the old roads went neglected and were eventually overgrown and forgotten. Oops! There I go again! Okay, back to your directions....
It'll take you a while to drive all the way out of Mainstream Media, it's a very big town. In fact, just about the entire time you're on the Info Highway, you'll see side roads that lead back here, and you'll run into several detours that run back through here. I know it makes no sense, son, but trust me, you'll double back countless times before the end of your trip.
Just as you finally get past Mainstream Media, the highway will split into three separate roads. One leads to Conspiracy Theory, one leads to a crossroads between the little sister towns of Hyperbole and Conjecture, and one leads to Truth. Here's where we have a problem. See, I've been away too long, and I don't remember which road is which. They aren't clearly marked, and anyway the dang government keeps changing the 'official' names of the roads so they're not shown correctly on any map.
Now, don't get discouraged, son. You can get there. I'll tell you what little I do remember about those roads, and that'll help you know when you're on the right path.
The road that leads to Conspiracy Theory will seem well maintained and inviting at the start, but you'll quickly run into rocky terrain in spots, and the road will drop off and pick up here and there, seemingly at random. There'll be lots of big billboards, some with messages that don't really advertise anything or convey anything meaningful, they just shout at you. Taking this road may not do any harm, and might even teach you some things, but there are an awful lot of roundabouts and dead-end roads in that town, and I've heard stories about people getting lost there and never finding their way out, so be careful.
The road to Hyperbole and Conjecture will be long and winding, through what looks like mostly farmland. But if you take the time to look more closely, you'll see that most of the 'farms' aren't producing anything, they're just taking up space. Again, not necessarily a bad place to visit, so if you find yourself on that road, do a bit of sightseeing if you have the time. When I was a kid, my dad took me on a road trip through there once. He taught me to play this game where we see who can spot the farms that are actually producing something. Because the produce was often small and difficult to spot from the road, it could be quite a challenge. It took me a while to get the hang of it. My dad was always way better at it than me.
The road to Truth will be quite narrow, and may be somewhat overgrown. You may at times be forced to detour through the surrounding towns, which may cause you to doubt whether you're still headed in the right direction. You've got to keep your wits about you, son. Even if you make it as far as the road to Truth, it's still all too easy to lose your way. You seem like a smart, determined young fella. I'm sure you'll get there. Good luck to you, and godspeed!"
"Truth? Oh, sure, son, sure. I know where Truth is. Why, as a matter of fact, I was born and raised there. Of course, as young foolish men will often do, I lit out as soon as I was old enough. In search of the mythical 'Greener Pastures' you know. I've certainly traveled and seen some sights....oh, the stories I could tell!
But all that wandering caught up with me, and I had to settle down eventually. Could have gone back home, sure. But at the time I just didn't have the means to make the trip, and was too mule-headed to ask for help, so I settled down right in the heart of Mainstream Media. Biggest regret of my life. Oh, don't get me wrong, I've had some good times here, there's always plenty of entertainment. But the cost of living! Funny, it didn't seem that high back then.
Now, listen to me carrying on, and you standing here needing an answer to your question. Just goes to show, I've lived here too long.
Okay, son, here's what you do: you see that road over there? The one with all the traffic? That's the Information Highway. Unfortunately, you've got to take that road. Take care, because those fools drive like they own the road. There's a lot of wrecks, what with idiots changing lanes and doing u-turns without signalling. There used to be a lot of different roads to get to Truth, but once the Info Highway was built, everyone used it exclusively, and all the old roads went neglected and were eventually overgrown and forgotten. Oops! There I go again! Okay, back to your directions....
It'll take you a while to drive all the way out of Mainstream Media, it's a very big town. In fact, just about the entire time you're on the Info Highway, you'll see side roads that lead back here, and you'll run into several detours that run back through here. I know it makes no sense, son, but trust me, you'll double back countless times before the end of your trip.
Just as you finally get past Mainstream Media, the highway will split into three separate roads. One leads to Conspiracy Theory, one leads to a crossroads between the little sister towns of Hyperbole and Conjecture, and one leads to Truth. Here's where we have a problem. See, I've been away too long, and I don't remember which road is which. They aren't clearly marked, and anyway the dang government keeps changing the 'official' names of the roads so they're not shown correctly on any map.
Now, don't get discouraged, son. You can get there. I'll tell you what little I do remember about those roads, and that'll help you know when you're on the right path.
The road that leads to Conspiracy Theory will seem well maintained and inviting at the start, but you'll quickly run into rocky terrain in spots, and the road will drop off and pick up here and there, seemingly at random. There'll be lots of big billboards, some with messages that don't really advertise anything or convey anything meaningful, they just shout at you. Taking this road may not do any harm, and might even teach you some things, but there are an awful lot of roundabouts and dead-end roads in that town, and I've heard stories about people getting lost there and never finding their way out, so be careful.
The road to Hyperbole and Conjecture will be long and winding, through what looks like mostly farmland. But if you take the time to look more closely, you'll see that most of the 'farms' aren't producing anything, they're just taking up space. Again, not necessarily a bad place to visit, so if you find yourself on that road, do a bit of sightseeing if you have the time. When I was a kid, my dad took me on a road trip through there once. He taught me to play this game where we see who can spot the farms that are actually producing something. Because the produce was often small and difficult to spot from the road, it could be quite a challenge. It took me a while to get the hang of it. My dad was always way better at it than me.
The road to Truth will be quite narrow, and may be somewhat overgrown. You may at times be forced to detour through the surrounding towns, which may cause you to doubt whether you're still headed in the right direction. You've got to keep your wits about you, son. Even if you make it as far as the road to Truth, it's still all too easy to lose your way. You seem like a smart, determined young fella. I'm sure you'll get there. Good luck to you, and godspeed!"
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