I Can't Believe We're STILL Talking About....

To spank, or not to spank. Should spanking be an acceptable component of discipline for children? When I'm faced with a question or problem, my first step is always to try to reduce it to its simplest terms.

So, simply put, what we're debating is this - is it okay to do things that cause physical and emotional pain to a human being to coerce them to behave the way we want? If the answer is yes, I need to line up some associates, former employers, service industry employees, and government officials and start handing out ass whippings.

Even if I disregard the scientific and social research that have proven corporal punishment to be damaging and ineffective, my own personal experiences tell me that there must be a better way. I can't say I never spanked my children. I can say that, as soon as I figured out that it wasn't serving the intended purpose and was only creating animosity between me and those I loved most dearly, I stopped doing it and started looking for more effective methods. I realized that my children were people. They spoke and understood the same language I did, and when they misbehaved or made mistakes, being able to clearly articulate what was wrong with their behavior, how it affected those around them, and what was expected of them was crucial. My son, who is now grown, has told me that when they were growing up, they would often wish that I would just 'shut up and go ahead and give us a whipping'!

Sometimes, children display psychotic behavior from an early age. That is, their behavior suggests that they understand what is expected of them and what is considered acceptable behavior, but they don't care or seem determined to not comply. I believe that in those cases, professional intervention is necessary. To be clear, I understand that most children will now and then demonstrate willful disobedience. This is natural; children need boundaries to feel safe and cared for, and from time to time they need to test those boundaries to assure themselves that they are firmly in place. As parents, we need to establish and maintain those boundaries and the consequences for breaking (or attempting to break) them. But human history proves that, once in a while, a person comes along who simply will not or cannot exist within the bounds of human society, regardless of how we attempt to treat or influence them. I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I believe these are the result of physical or neurological defects that need to be explored.

In many states, there are laws currently in place that give more protection from physical harm to animals and convicted criminals than to our babies! In school, when children mistreat and bully others, we need to take a good hard look at their home environment. Parents who can't effectively communicate and demonstrate appropriate behavior to their children, who teach hate and brutish behavior, raise bullies. Parents who do not treat themselves, each other, and their children with respect and kindness, raise people who are disrespectful and unkind.

It really is that simple. I often hear people say 'control your children'. But we have to accept that any sense of 'control' we may establish by physical intimidation will always only extend as far as our arm's reach, and will always do more harm than good. And as far as I'm concerned, you can throw out that old 'spare the rod and spoil the child' argument, because the bible also says to treat your slaves with kindness and keep your women quiet during public assemblies.

A Public Service Announcement, For The Love Of Literacy

1) To properly pronounce the word 'nuclear', think 'new clear', NOT 'nuke-you-lar'.

2) The word is 'com-for-table', NOT 'comf-turble'.

3) There is no such word as 'ex-specially'. Also, that coffee drink that you think makes you sound sophisticated when you order it is NOT called 'expresso'.

4) The letter 'r' appears TWICE in the word 'library', and not at all in the word 'wash'.

5) If you don't know the proper pronunciation or definition of a word, you really should learn those things before incorporating that word into your vocabulary. Please.

Words of Wisdom

Some people believe that with age comes wisdom. Like if you manage to not get yourself killed within a certain time frame, suddenly you're 'wise'. I wonder what other ridiculous things those people believe.

Merriam-Webster defines wisdom as:
a : accumulated philosophic or scientific learning : knowledge
b : ability to discern inner qualities and relationships : insight
c : good sense : judgment

So what do acquiring knowledge, developing insight, and exercising good judgment have in common? The prerequisite characteristic is the ability to PAY ATTENTION. Some aspects of wisdom are understanding human nature and learning to look at problems and situations from all different angles.

Another common error is to equate wisdom with goodness. Don't make that mistake. Consider this: people who hold positions of authority got where they are by, among other things, paying attention and gaining wisdom. What they do with that power and authority may be evil or self-serving.

Did I mention I Live In Tennessee?

My ninth grade American Civics teacher was insane. I mean literally. He would spend the better part of the class period some days carrying on a lively discussion with himself or the nearest light fixture, whichever struck his fancy. Years later I read where he killed himself. So I mean all the way crazy. But even that guy could have figured out what's wrong with this - http://www.liberty.edu/media/9980/attachments/hres_107_tn_10_command_051911.pdf

Before I go any further, please let me make clear that I believe in God, Jesus, and the ten commandments. I also believe that it was God's will from the creation of man that we should have free will. I firmly believe that life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are God-given rights that should belong to one and all. I believe it is not for any individual or group to judge the moral and spiritual correctness of any individual or group. And I most heartily believe that what I believe, what you believe, what anyone believes, cannot and must not inform the decisions of our courts of law.

I do not believe that a group of student athletes choosing to have a prayer before a game violates the concept of keeping church and state separate. I do not believe keeping 'under God' in the Pledge of Allegiance violates that concept. But to prominently display scripture taken directly from the religious literature of a specific religion, in a place where people are summoned under the law, or where they go to seek justice...I think it is a blatant disregard for the US Constitution and the word of God.

I'm sure many churches in this area are celebrating this as a 'victory'. I'm praying for those folks to see it for what it really is.

Some Things That Annoy Me (in no particular order)

1) People who speak kindly and respectfully to everyone except their own children. This is not just a minor annoyance, this is a real problem in our society that needs to be addressed. Think about how many television sitcoms revolve around the 'humor' of family members trading hurtful, cutting remarks. I do not wonder that so many people can be so full of hate and vitriol, when we are constantly exposed to it.

2) People who engage in speaking and writing, but won't be bothered to learn proper spelling, grammar, punctuation or pronunciation. If you feel that what you're saying is worth sharing, put some effort into it. Language is a vital tool, and like any other tool, must be mastered and used properly in order to be effective. You would want me to tell you if you were holding the wrong end of the knife, wouldn't you?

3) People who behave in a manner that perpetuates any negative stereotypes regarding their particular gender, race, age or other demographic group. Women, I implore you, please do not attempt to drive while applying makeup or fixing your hair. Men, please do not assume your membership in the 'guy club' will be revoked if you wash a dish or shed a tear. More importantly, young black men, understand that, while it may be easy for you to develop a 'thug / gangster' reputation where you live, you will have access to so much more power and authority if you refuse to be cast in that old, worn-out mold. Break out of that rut and challenge yourself to see that, individually and collectively, you have the power to affect real change and progress in your community and in the world.

4) People who are physically less healthy than I am, but insist on giving me health advice because I'm fat. I know I'm fat (not reality-show fat, but still...), and if/when I want to do something about it, I will. Do you know that your diet soda is toxic, that your low-fat microwave meals are killing you, and that your medical expenses probably add up to more than my yearly salary?

I could go on, but I have things to do today. Here's hoping we all have a productive, annoyance-free day!

Directions

"Excuse me, sir? Sorry to bother you, but I wonder if you could give me some directions? I seem to have lost my way. I'm looking for Truth."

"Truth? Oh, sure, son, sure. I know where Truth is. Why, as a matter of fact, I was born and raised there. Of course, as young foolish men will often do, I lit out as soon as I was old enough. In search of the mythical 'Greener Pastures' you know. I've certainly traveled and seen some sights....oh, the stories I could tell!

But all that wandering caught up with me, and I had to settle down eventually. Could have gone back home, sure. But at the time I just didn't have the means to make the trip, and was too mule-headed to ask for help, so I settled down right in the heart of Mainstream Media. Biggest regret of my life. Oh, don't get me wrong, I've had some good times here, there's always plenty of entertainment. But the cost of living! Funny, it didn't seem that high back then.

Now, listen to me carrying on, and you standing here needing an answer to your question. Just goes to show, I've lived here too long.

Okay, son, here's what you do: you see that road over there? The one with all the traffic? That's the Information Highway. Unfortunately, you've got to take that road. Take care, because those fools drive like they own the road. There's a lot of wrecks, what with idiots changing lanes and doing u-turns without signalling. There used to be a lot of different roads to get to Truth, but once the Info Highway was built, everyone used it exclusively, and all the old roads went neglected and were eventually overgrown and forgotten. Oops! There I go again! Okay, back to your directions....

It'll take you a while to drive all the way out of Mainstream Media, it's a very big town. In fact, just about the entire time you're on the Info Highway, you'll see side roads that lead back here, and you'll run into several detours that run back through here. I know it makes no sense, son, but trust me, you'll double back countless times before the end of your trip.

Just as you finally get past Mainstream Media, the highway will split into three separate roads. One leads to Conspiracy Theory, one leads to a crossroads between the little sister towns of Hyperbole and Conjecture, and one leads to Truth. Here's where we have a problem. See, I've been away too long, and I don't remember which road is which. They aren't clearly marked, and anyway the dang government keeps changing the 'official' names of the roads so they're not shown correctly on any map.

Now, don't get discouraged, son. You can get there. I'll tell you what little I do remember about those roads, and that'll help you know when you're on the right path.

The road that leads to Conspiracy Theory will seem well maintained and inviting at the start, but you'll quickly run into rocky terrain in spots, and the road will drop off and pick up here and there, seemingly at random. There'll be lots of big billboards, some with messages that don't really advertise anything or convey anything meaningful, they just shout at you. Taking this road may not do any harm, and might even teach you some things, but there are an awful lot of roundabouts and dead-end roads in that town, and I've heard stories about people getting lost there and never finding their way out, so be careful.

The road to Hyperbole and Conjecture will be long and winding, through what looks like mostly farmland. But if you take the time to look more closely, you'll see that most of the 'farms' aren't producing anything, they're just taking up space. Again, not necessarily a bad place to visit, so if you find yourself on that road, do a bit of sightseeing if you have the time. When I was a kid, my dad took me on a road trip through there once. He taught me to play this game where we see who can spot the farms that are actually producing something. Because the produce was often small and difficult to spot from the road, it could be quite a challenge. It took me a while to get the hang of it. My dad was always way better at it than me.

The road to Truth will be quite narrow, and may be somewhat overgrown. You may at times be forced to detour through the surrounding towns, which may cause you to doubt whether you're still headed in the right direction. You've got to keep your wits about you, son. Even if you make it as far as the road to Truth, it's still all too easy to lose your way. You seem like a smart, determined young fella. I'm sure you'll get there. Good luck to you, and godspeed!"

I Remember My Brother

I remember my brother was nice to me when I was little. When he got a bicycle and I was too young to get one, he would ride me double before he rode off on his own, and then again when he came home from riding around the neighborhood. When Mom let him go downtown, but said he had to take me with him, he wasn't mad. He even bought me a ring at Woolworth's. When some neighborhood girls were picking on me, and Mom said I had to fight back or get a whipping, he took on the biggest girl even though she was bigger than him! And he scared away the others, and even yelled at our mom (no one ever yelled at Mom).

I remember my brother was smart. Before I started school, he said 'you're not going to embarrass me by going to school ignorant. You're going to learn to read and write and count before you go. And he taught me. I don't know how much time he spent doing it, but I do remember being eager, almost hungry, to learn. I don't think any other teacher in the world could have done better. My desire for knowledge grew out of my desire to make my brother happy, and I will always be thankful to him for it. Years later, when being smart was equivalent to being unpopular, I never considered slacking to fit in. Thank you, brother.

I remember my brother could be mean. He would boss me around, hit me sometimes (never very hard), yell at me, change the radio station if a song came on that I liked, tell me scary stories and hide my toys. When I was four years old he convinced me that every day was my birthday and Mom didn't love me because she didn't buy me a birthday present. I learned quickly how to take orders, how to fight back when I'd had enough, how to not be intimidated by yelling, how to pick my battles, how not to indulge fear unnecessarily, how to take better care of my things, and that I shouldn't believe everything I hear. Thanks again, bro.

I remember my brother broke my heart. He told me never to contact him again, and then he stopped speaking to me. I had decided to move away, and he didn't want me to go. I could understand his wanting me to stay. He couldn't understand why I had to go. That was 25 years ago. I just found out he's dying. If he were conscious, I would try to go and talk to him one more time, but he isn't. He's gone, and he's to be taken off life support this week. I can't go because he isn't there. I don't know who that man is or what his life has been the last 25 years. I can only pray that he's at peace, and not in pain anymore. And pray that he knows, somehow, that I will always remember my brother.